Wanted: Friends!

There are some people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger and live just a little bit better.

~Unknown

This year has been, equally, one of the most rewarding and most challenging years of my life.

I started two businesses…

I wrote a book…

I travelled on my own for the first time…

I made many new lifelong friends…

I was able to be more present for all three of my children…

It has also taught me one of life’s hardest lessons – to let go.

The theme of 2018 for me was ‘Fearless’. Being fearless in my pursuit of purpose, fearless in not stepping but jumping out of my comfort zone, fearless in repairing relationships I valued, fearless in letting go of relationships that no longer served me and fearless in making new friends.

I know for a fact that people couldn’t really get around the concept of me ‘finding my tribe’ this year. I THRIVE when connecting with people, the right people. I have become more aware of being in the company of other people and being genuinely interested in what is going on in their life, what their struggles are and what their triumphs are. By doing this, I didn’t really need to go searching for my tribe because they ended up finding me.

I have never been one of those people that needed to be surrounded by twenty friends at any given time. I much prefer knowing I have a handful of quality friends that just know to ask if I’m okay, that hold my hand and check in on me after I have lost a loved one, the ones that say let’s go for a drink and catch up Friday night just’ because’, the ones that never expect repayment, the type that know when I consistently ask to catch up or invite them round for a cuppa and chat…..it might be because I am actually the one that needs to chat, the one’s that celebrate my wins like starting a new business or writing a book,  the ones who know that if I ask them to join me in business it’s because I  love, adore and value them, the ones that will never make me feel lower than I feel in my lowest moments.

My job, which I actually don’t even consider a job but a vocation, is to sit with people and listen to their concerns as well as their aspirations. I guide them in a way that best helps them to be able to help themselves. It’s a common misconception that we counsellors/coaches don’t need to talk about things because we ought to be well equipped to be able to help ourselves. But, we each have our demons to battle on a daily basis, we have our vulnerabilities and, yes, sometimes we need other people to help us help ourselves too!

This year has also taught me to be tolerant.

I have learnt to be tolerant of other people who are at different stages of their life, tolerant of people who act out because of fear, tolerant of people who don’t understand, tolerant of the way my family gets spoken to and tolerant of other people’s expectations. We are all learning and few of us gets it right one hundred per cent of the time but by practising tolerance, just maybe, it teaches other people to do the same.

Your relationships with other people have the ability to make or break you.

My relationships with other people have been paramount this year and if this year has taught me anything about myself through those relationships it’s this: I actually have things to say and the right people will listen, even to the things that aren’t being said.

I have sat and watched as people play on their phones without regard for the children and adults around them, I have listened to people have exclusive conversations in the company of others who sit there in silence just waiting for connection, waiting to be acknowledged, waiting to feel like they have been seen and heard, waiting to feel like they matter. It saddens me to think that some people don’t feel like they are worthy of being part of any type of relationship.

To those people I say this… some of the most influential people in your life are still to make themselves known to you, believe that.

By being brave enough to make new friends, even at my age, and by making myself known in the world (and in some cases making myself known to people who already think they know me), I am also giving my children permission to make themselves known too, to be heard and to be seen and be loved and respected by the people that will matter most to them.

I know full well that you won’t connect with everybody you meet, and I know that friendships made twenty years ago may not last another twenty years but I do know that you are never too old to make new friends.

Lx